dancing. shouting. doing other great things in the process.

When I mention to people that I’m not the most stable of persons, I get one of two reactions. The first is more common: they don’t believe me. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, “Really? But you seem so normal!” I could…at least buy a value meal from McDonald’s. When I told one of my former best friends (that sounds so harsh, doesn’t it? but I can’t think of another phrase) that I suspected I have assburgers, she insisted that it was impossible because she’d worked with a child with it and I didn’t act like him. Another friend told me it was impossible because I’m not weird.

And then there are the people who know better. These people, when I say there are (numerous) things wrong with me, generally just look at me, nod, and ask what the plans for the day are. I’m not sure which reaction is more of an insult, really. In any case. I realize that people think I’m normal because they don’t really get to see me at my strangest; the moments when I’m completely unguarded and at the peak of my insanity, I’m usually alone. And pantsless. So, because I enjoy giving some insight into my brain, I’ve decided to compile a list of things that I do that normal people probably don’t. Why? Because I’m not normal.

• I count stirs when making Kool-Aid/tea/lemonade/etc. The first round of stirring requires 50 stirring. If more sugar is needed, I add it, then stir 40 times. If that’s still not enough, I add more sugar and stir 30 times. I’ve never needed to add sugar beyond this point but I’ll assume that I would stir the next round 20 times and so on.
• I tap my fingertips together. I used to tap my middle and ring fingers on my right hand against my palm repeatedly, but apparently I’ve switched to tapping my middle fingertip against my thumb tip. Maybe I think it’s more sophisticated. Or maybe it’s slightly less noticeable.
• If I accidentally touch a texture that I dislike, I’ll wipe it off on my shirt. Because clearly, sensations can be erased thusly. The feeling of carpet, for example, is one that I really, really cannot stand, as well as denim.
• If there’s a character count, yo I’ll solve it I’m monitoring it. Text messages, this post, instant messages…The character/word count has to be an even number. If it isn’t, I’ll add a word or a space to get to an even number.
• I check things far too much. I check locks, I check for my keys, I check my article queue at work as though it will miraculously change, I check my phone charge…
• This one has been sort of conquered – Previously, I couldn’t sleep with a closet door open. Once when I was younger, I had a nightmare about monsters coming out of the closet to carry me off and bury me alive. However, since clearing out the closet, I’ve been sleeping with the door open with relatively low monster-related anxiety. (I wish I hadn’t said that, though, because now I keep giving the closet the side-eye.)